After yet another forgettable performance by the Indian cricket team yesterday against South African in Port Elizabeth, its with sheer exuberance that I scribble something on the wonderful bunch out here.
After almost a month here, certain cricketers have certainly helped lend a hand at creating a post on the their talents both on and off the field. This post is a follow-up on a previous one on certain members of the SA cricket team.
Ajit Agarkar: Namade Ajit... He is proof that it takes a lot more than fragile stature and flappy ears to bring down a batsman. His reasoning at bowling a slow bouncer in the last over of a tight match has been referred to in various textbooks on Unexplained Human Behavior. Peter Jackson's S-FX team had contacted him for the role of Gollum in LOTR, but it was subsequently rejected due to lack of enthusiasm (apparently namade Ajit didn't know Liv Tyler was taken).
Virender Sehwag: The case of Missing Wickets has been filed against him is reportedly being referred to the Police commissioner of SA. Complaints have come from fans about the various ways he manages to lose his wickets. Cricinfo's chief statistician has been given the go-ahead to start a new stat on the number and various ways a single batsman has gotten out. Our Virender apparently leads the table (followed closely by the Royal Canadian Mounties cricket league's standby 11th man). A gangwar is currently brewing among members of the Mumbai underground on who's playing the Sehwag card.
Mohammed Kaif: Quite possibly selected due to his experience in the ODI squad; this tactic backfired because selectors didn't realise at that point that the experience was actually for the betterment to the bowlers that bowled against him. Cricinfo's chief statistician has not yet recorded a shot off the middle of his bat. The 8th annual Gum-Maker's association convention tabled 'sticky gloves' on the top of its agenda after realising the possibility of making enormous amounts of moola from selling gloves to him. Due to the slow advancement of technology, the gum is not yet strong enough to ensure the bat stays still in his hand, hence sticky tape and genetic technology is being considered.
Dinesh Mongia: A major mystery nagging the Indian cricket selectors and the general public has been how Dinesh managed to make the ODI squad. Many suspect diplomatic involvement - apparently Dinesh was included because this move would inevitably lead to SA taking a series white-wash, and thus would ensure continued inter-government ties thereby ensuring lasting Indian investment in Africa. The possibility of few other moles have not been discounted. The Chinese are crying foul, and are considering sending their rugby team to SA.
The rest of the players seem to have played their hearts out, hence their roles will not be brought to light (not just yet)...
(Disclaimer: the above post can be considered as the lamentations of a proud, but unimpressed Indian supporter. Any remarks against a reader's hero is purely uncoincidental and intended).